Making Things Better
by Kessy Kate
Summary: Justin has been gone for a while, but what will happen when he realizes he made a mistake?
1. I Hate You

**I'm only writing this for the enjoyment of myself and other QaF fans, do not sue.**

The sunshine streamed through the loft windows as the clock changed from 8:59am to 9:00am. The familiar beep beep of the alarm woke up Brian, who, as usual, was in no mood to wake up. Some people might have different ideas about how much partying was too much, but not Brian. Although right now he wished he had. As usual Friday night consisted of a few backroom blowjobs followed by some unknown substances before heading home.

He wished he didn't feel this shitty but he knew there was nothing he could do, and no amount of alcohol or sex would take it away. It was his fault, he knew it, Justin had left because he failed to do the one thing that meant the most to him. He never thought 3 stupid words would cause so much trouble. He also never thought he would regret not saying them. Everyone thought they knew Brian Kinney, no regrets, no apologies, sorry is bullshit, you know the rest. But Justin was the one person who saw past that, who understood words that were never said. Or at least Brian thought he was, maybe he'd been fooling himself, maybe Justin really did need those words so many people threw around meaninglessly. And maybe Justin finally realized it and found someone who was able to appreciate him the way Brian didn't. But wait, he did appreciate Justin, although he may have never verbally expressed his feelings, they both knew they were there.

As Brian got up and started the shower he hoped Justin was happy, and that he would always know Brian cared for him and always would.

As he finished up and walked out of the bathroom, he nearly had a heart attack as he saw a familiar blonde, blue eyed young man standing in front of the door. Brian noticed how tired Justin looked as his blue eyes never moved from Brians face. Finally he looked down at his feet, making him looked ashamed, as he quietly said "It wasn't supposed to be this way." Brian just stood there looking confused.

"I was supposed to leave, be happy, and never have to think about you again."

Brian opened his mouth to speak but Justin put up his hand to stop him. "Don't..." Justin whispered "...Just let me finish."

So Brian stood there waiting for Justin to continue. "For so long I thought I didn't need you or want you." Justins eyes were becoming watery and he knew this wouldn't be easy.

"I thought my life was finally starting, and I would be able to forget you." The truth to these words stung Brian a little as he continued to listen. "I thought..." Justin paused and looked up at Brian for the first time in what seemed like forever. "...I thought the longer I stayed away from you, the less I would miss you so much."

Brian wasn't sure if he liked where this was going.

"But the truth is, the longer I stayed away, the more incomplete I felt." Justin looked back down at his shoes as he continued. "I know you may not want to hear this, and you probably don't care, but..." Don't care? Brian thought. How can he stand there and tell me I don't care? "...I feel like a part of me is missing, and I can't stand it. I feel like there is this giant hole inside me, and nothing will ever feel the way it did in the beginning."

"Things change." Brian mumbled more to himself than Justin. "I know that!" Justin practically sobbed, as tears started to roll down his now rosey cheeks. Brian really didn't like where this was going. He fought the urge to run up to Justin and hug him as he waited for him to finish.

"I just never realized everything I'd ever wanted, I already had." Justin looked up at Brian again as he slowly started walking towards him. Brian knew he couldn't let this happen when Justin was so upset, and when they so obviously needed to talk.

"Look.." Brian started, causing Justin to stop "..You obviously knew what you wanted, and realized I wasn't giving it to you, so you left, it's o-"

"-No, it's not okay, and I'm starting to wonder if it ever will be." Justin cut in. "I thought I loved you when I first met you, but now I know that was foolish, now I _know_ I love you."

"But.." He began, eyes starting to well up again. "..I hate you!" He sobbed loudly. "I hate you for making me feel this way, and I hate you for bringing me into your life, but most of all..." Justin stopped looking at Brians eyes, trying to read him. "...I hate you for letting me leave it."

Brian quickly closed the distance between them as he wrapped his arms around Justins slim waist, leaning his forhead against Justins. He stared into the crystal blue eyes until he could barely breathe as he softly pressed his lips against Justins.


	2. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

**I'm only writing this for the enjoyment of myself and other QaF fans, do not sue.**

The soft gentle kiss quickly turned needy and hungered as Justin grabbed the back of Brian's neck, pulling him impossibly closer. As soon as Brian felt Justin's hand move to his belt, he pushed back to look at him.

"Wait." Brian said. "Wait? In this sort of situation that's the last thing I would ever expect you to say" Justin joked, but his smile quickly faded as he realized how serious Brian looked.

"Ok, what" Justin waited. "Don't you have a boyfriend? What's his name? You know, the Fiddler" Brian asked. Justin had totally forgotten about Ethan until now. Before Justin had a chance to answer Brian continued.

"Or are you just not getting what you need? So you've decided to fuck me behind his back? Ah, it sounds all too familiar." As soon as Brian said that, he wished he hadn't. Justin just stared at him, his eyes becoming watery once again. Then he just pushed Brian back as hard as he could, almost knocking him over.

"How can you say that" Justin said, he looked so hurt, and Brian wondered why he'd even said that in the first place. "You say that like this was easy for me, like I just left you along with all the feelings I had for you, as if I just stopped loving you." He couldn't help the tears that were falling from his eyes again.

"It may have been that way for you, but it sure as hell wasn't for me." He walked back up to Brian so that their noses were almost touching. "There wasn't one night when I didn't wish it was your arms holding me, your breath on my neck, your lips on mine."

Brian stood there wondering why the hell Justin was telling him this. And how could he think it was easy for him? Justin was the first person Brian ever let see his true self, and in return, he'd been punched in the face. He started to remember how everyone had treated him the first little while Justin had been gone. They'd coddled him and treated him like a fucking child.

Brian stared at Justin finally saying "Easy? This was pretty much everything but fucking easy." "Right it must have been really hard to let go of some twink who was just another fuck."

"Dammit Justin, that's not true and you know it" This was really starting to bother him, he wasn't going to let Justin stand there and tell him how he felt.

"I'm so sick of you saying that all you were to me was some trick who wore out his welcome."

"Well that is all I was wasn't I" Justin asked.

"No, and you know damn well you weren't"

Justin just stood there and crossed his arms. "That may have been how it started out, but that's not how it was when you left. You may not have realized it but I pretty much went against everything I'd ever said by letting myself care about you." Brian said.

Justin sighed heavily and said "He cheated on me so I left him." "Huh" Brian was confused, but suddenly it clicked. "He fucked someone else so you left him" Brian asked. "There had to have been something else, otherwise you wouldn't have kept coming back to me."

"No, he told me he loved me and that I was the only one, he lied to me." Justin wasn't sure if he should continue but he did. "You never really loved me, and I was certainly never the only one, so it was nothing new, you never lied."

That was the last straw.

"Stop fucking telling me how I feel! You don't know the half of it, just because I never said it doesn't mean I didn't feel it! I'm so fucking tired of you telling me what I'm thinking"

"Fine" Justin said "For once why don't you tell me what you're thinking."

Brian stood there for a moment before saying "How about I show you"


End file.
